So not in the habit...

I'm just not in the blog habit! I keep forgetting that it's here!

So... let's see. I went back to work on Oct 8th. It took me nearly 3 weeks to get my rhythym back. Oh and get this, I got back the 8th, right? That was a wednesday....by Saturday I was feeling kinda gross...but Sunday night, I had a fever. The fever didn't break until sometime Tuesday. Needless to say I didn't go to work Monday and Tuesday. I came back to a verbal warning that I could get written up if I missed any more days and did not have the sick time to cover them. They ended up making me used 2 days of vacation. pfft.

Then two weeks ago, I slipped on some frost in my driveway, fell flat on my back and during the fall slammed my head against the bumper of my other car and my earring was ripped out. I stayed my ass home that day. Well... guess what? That's right, I got written up! The day I came back from Thanksgiving no less.

So NOW the call center is very slow and they are begging to take days off... AND allowing you to do them unpaid if you want. Heh... I totally went through my budget to figure out how many I could take. I may not be happy with my paycheck on Friday, but I don't care. Well...I sort of don't care...LOL

I need to just keep my head down and muddle through the next few months and see what's going to happen with that company.... bah!

Back to work

Wow... I obviously got very preoccupied and neglected my blog which I thought I would be SO good about keeping up... bah!

Since my last post I have actually had surgery for my HS. That was an interesting journey... I got talk to a surgeon who belabored the point that I needed keep up on my hygiene! WHAT?!! you dumbass, I have HS! Which causes boils that drain constantly...those constantly draining boils drain puss that smells putrid! Good Lord, don't you think I KNOW about hygiene? Hell, I'm afraid to stand close to people because I never know when something is going to drain and that awful smell with waft up from me! I didn't go to see my Chiropractor for 6 months, much to my OWN demise because a boil broke during an adjustment and I smelled horrible and was SO embarrassed! And this jerk lectures me about hygiene.... grrr!

At any rate, after hearing how the surgery will not CURE my HS, he agreed to do it. It was done on August 28th. The surgeon said that it was going to be a 8-10 week healing period because HS heals slowly.... yeah well 4 weeks later he is telling me that I can go back to work! lol Dumbass!

I'm fast healer! I TOLD him that I was fast healer, he said that due to my age and my obesity, not to expect to heal quickly. mmhmm...whatever!

So now I'm back to work on October 8th. Yuck! I really should be glad that I have a job and I keep telling myself that. The job market is tough on fat black women who have not let themselves reach their full potential. I know that... gosh do I KNOW that! Even where I work... supposedly the last bastion of touchy feely work environments that "celebrate" all workers, I am treated like an idiot and looked at with hateful/mocking eyes from these young, white male jerks who are so full of thier own hype, no one exists in their worlds. All I can say is that I'm tired.

Corporate America is not a friendly place and I'm afraid that I just don't have the fight in me that I used to have. I'm tired of the double standards, the emotional bullying and people hiding behind "policy" to discount and ignore people just trying to do their jobs well.

I just don't know where I belong anymore... it's so sad...

Aren't you feeling better?

The few people with whom I speak from my job site have asked me this question in regard to my taking 4 months off from work.

Hmm.... well yes and no. As far as my general health, yes! there is definitely some improvement, I'm consciously eating better, I'm exercising more, I'm losing a little weight and generally feeling a bit more rested.

As far as my HS, well no... I'm still having outbreaks and they still hurt like the dickens and it's moved back to my face again! Now I have found that my HS tends to show on my face as more a result of concentrated and intense stress. Since my doctor is having to cut back on my steroid injections, I pretty much have to live with the outbreaks on my face... yuck!

As far as my stress relief from work...absolutely NOT. I have been out of the office for a month now and my place of employment has been dragging out the approval process for my leave...which in turn has not helped my stress level.

So I'm now 6 weeks into my leave, I still have not achieved the benchmark I had wanted to achieve by now and my motivation level is still not where I would like it to be... I still have 10 weeks to go.

Hidranenitus Suppurativa

Dammit what a long name! Most people just call it HS. It's what I have. It's why I am here, I guess....home, I mean... on a medical leave.

Yeah, I'm home on a 4 month medical leave from work to heal and create a more healthy me. So far, I'm only doing marginally well at it.

My fiance bought us a WiiFit to encourage us both to pay attention to our bodies and focus on losing some weight. It's working...kind of. I started so "gung ho" and proceeded to injure my knees to the point of barely walking... dumb move....yeah I know. He also bought us an eliptical machine on which to exercise.n So far I've been pretty intermittent about using it....pfft, I suck.

Anyway, this HS is a bitch to have. It hurts. Basically I get absesses or "boils" on my skin in the "warm and fat" places on my body. Right now it's pretty much anywhere! I've been told by my doctor that I'm one of the "lucky" ones because for me it also appears on my face.

It's a not fun disease and there are many theories on how to cure/ arrest it. I'm in the process of trying several, the main one being weight loss. The main problem is that is that I'm lazy as hell! I keep telling myself what I should be doing and really don't follow through with regularity. It's so sad.

Anyway, if you are wondering what HS is all about, go here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hidradenitis_suppurativa

It's the best explaination that I have found so far...

First real and true blog post

Well, now I have a blog. I have been threatening to make one!


First of all... just so you know, this blog is kinda personal. So if you know me just a little, I may say things that may surprise you to know about me. If you DO know me, it may not surprise you, but may make you concerned. Don't be...

I just want to speak my mind and hopefully some kind stranger will comment and possibly give me the clarity only an outsider can give... LOL or not.

If I gave you this address, obviously I don't mind if you read this and comment. In fact I would rather enjoy it if you did. If you just happened to find it...hey you go ahead and comment too!

I'm just working some stuff out in my head and hopefully will come to some ideas on how to act on the "stuff" in my life...